The Game High

Samurai Mike Is Back With a Vengeance

Mike Singletary goes off in his inaugural post-game press conference. 

What makes this so classic is that it doesn't appear premeditated at all.  He just got up on the podium and let the emotions flow.  Quite refreshing in a day of bland coaches giving canned responses (Belichick).   Nothing beats Old School football Passion.

Patriots Lose Super Bowl XLII. There Is a God.

The Giants 17 - 14 victory over the evil Empire was quite possibly the greatest upset in Super Bowl history.  Not even a Menudo style rain dance from Mario Lopez could propel the Patriots to victory.

Some initial thoughts on this historic occasion:

• Cheaters Proof!  Regardless of how pervasive or for how long the Patriots have employed illegal tactics to gain a competitive advantage, the fact remains that they were caught cheating.  A Patriots victory would have been tainted by the SpyGate scandal whereas a Giants win just feels cleaner to every NFL fan who doesn't reside in the greater Boston area.
• Maybe all the talk of "Greatest Team Ever" and Brady man-crushing that accumulated for two weeks had an impact on the Patriots team psyche.  The Giants defensive front four punched the Pats in the mouth all night and the Patriots offense never got in rhythm.
• It's a Manning World after all.  Back to back Super Bowl victories for brothers Peyton and Eli.  For anyone watching television in America this year, prepare yourself for an endless marketing blitz from the brothers Manning.
  
• Play of the Year:  On the Giants game-winning drive, Manning's scramble out of a sack and 32-yard heave to David Tyree, who elevates and catches the ball betweens his hands and his helmet.  The play put the ball inside the Patriots 25 yard line and put the smell of victory firmly inside the noses of the Giants' players.
• Belichick's classless move of leaving the field before the final play.  Despite already shaking Tom Coughlin's hand, how hard is it to stand on the sidelines for a kneel-down play before heading into the locker room?  If 11 of your players are on the field, for ANY reason, your fucking ass is on the sidelines.
• Tiki Barber, how does it feel?  The quarterback you threw under the bus earlier this season for not being a leader just won the Super Bowl MVP honor while your ringless, retired ass is watching at home.

SEC Stamp of Dominance over the Big Ten Licked, Applied, and Mailed to the Midwest.

SEC:  Hey, you know what Ohio St.?  Remember the Florida game from last year, when we spotted you guys 7 points, before taking over.  How about we give you 10 points this year, you know, just to make things interesting.

Ohio St:  Whatever.  We have learned from last year's mistakes and come armed with a fresh and aggressive offensive game plan.  You'll never know what hit you.

[Game Kickoff]

SEC:  Here we go.  DAAAAAAAAMN!!!  We just bitch-slapped you for 24 unanswered.  I bet for a moment you actually thought you had a chance of winning this game.  I bet the thought went something like "We took those 10 points from them, they didn't really give them to us."  C'mon admit it.

Ohio St: [sobbing]  No fair!  We're going into our locker room at the half and we're not coming out.

[Half Time, LSU 24 - Ohio St. 10]

SEC:  Oh, I'm sorry.  Please come out and play in the second half.  It will be fun, I promise.  How about this?  We'll let you win the Alumni Kicker Challenge at Half-Time.  Would that lift your spirits for you?  I'm want to help.

Ohio St:  Okay, we'll come out.  But not until Coach Tressel shows us his super-secret, half-time game adjustments, which he has meticulously diagramed all over his bathroom walls.

SEC:  "That is a great representation of Alabama?"  No one condescends to this multi-colored pimp coat.  That was cold, man.  We'll see you in the second half.

SEC:  Dude, you call that goal line tackling.  Three guys couldn't bring our man Doucet down.  It's 31 - 10 now.  I don't want to sound rude when I ask this, but you guys did practice, right?

SEC:  This game is boring us, so here's an interception for you.  Meanwhile, is this seriously a college course at your esteemed University of Michigan:  English 317. How to be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation?  Listen to this exerpt from the course description.

"In particular, we will examine a number of cultural artifacts and activities that seem to play a prominent role in learning how to be gay: Hollywood movies, grand opera, Broadway musicals, and other works of classical and popular music, as well as camp, diva-worship, drag, muscle culture, taste, style, and political activism. "

[4th Quarter:  LSU 31 - Ohio St. 17]

SEC:  Oh, shit I didn't realize you're at 4th down already!  I guess I should demolish your quarterback and cover up the fumble I'm about to cause.

[Final Score:  LSU 38 - Ohio St. 24 ]

SEC:  Alright, it's time to party!  And when we say party, we mean filling up the old backyard swimming pool, firing up the floating electric grill, and having some beers!

What the Hell is Going on out There?

Un.  Fucking.  Believable.  I've completely had it with the Lovie Smith and the ineptitude of the entire coaching staff.  How many times did the NFL Network zoom down to a closeup of Lovie on the sideline, staring blankly onto the field or muttering into his headset?  We all know you're getting schooled out there Lovie, both on the field and off it, but at least show some emotion!

You let a backup quarterback (Todd Collins, 200+ yards, 2 TD passes) who hasn't thrown an NFL pass in two years destroy your secondary.  You called a zone blitz on the biggest 3rd down of the season, on a night you couldn't pressure the quarterback with any consistency, and give up an easy touchdown pass.  Your offensive line picks up 6 penalties on a single fucking possession!  I could go on...

What we know now is that last year's Super Bowl team was a 1-year wonder.  Without Devin Hester last year, the Bears don't make the Super Bowl.  Without Devin Hester this year, the Bears don't win more than 2 games.

So how do you shitcan an entire coaching staff, one year removed from the Super Bowl?You don't.  As an organization, the Bears would never admit such fault.  So Bears fans, we're going to be tortured for at least another year of this little league game planning, antiquated Cover 2 defense, and worthless offensive line.

You might look forward to the draft, but with Angelo's hit-or-miss draft selections and the lack of instructional coaching going on, is it really going make a difference?

At least with the playoffs officially out of the picture for the Bears, fans can do something more productive these last few Sundays besides watch these fools make a mockery of professional football.  Next week the over/under on the Vikings rushing yardage between Chester Taylor and Adrian Peterson has to be over 250 yards.  That should be fun.

And now it's time for Santa to party!

Worst. Monday Night Football Game. Ever

This was a testament of wills.  A heavy weight title bout with both fighters exchanging vicious shots to the body.  And I'm not talking about Pittsburg versus Miami.  This is about every NFL fan in America versus the latest MNF game, a riveting 3-0 victory by the Steelers.  You had to be a true diehard to wait out the game delay and sit through nearly three hours of scoreless football. 

Some amusing nuggets from this regrettable affair:

• By the 2 minute warning, I was now opening rooting for no one to score.  As Pittsburg drove to the Dolphins 5-yard line, I was praying for a fumble.  If I'm going to sit through a shitty game, it best be a classic turd.
• This moment could have been part of an NFL highlight reel.  "Just look at how this fan is laying it all on the line, sticking with this telecast to the 4th quarter, his tenacious attention span has never let up..."
• What fool bet the Over on this game?  And how in the world was it 37.5 points, given the atrocious weather and field conditions?  As a gambler betting the under, you had this game locked up by halftime.

• 17 seconds remaining.  Steelers boot a field goal!!!  Damn.

Not only was the game garbage, but Miami's season just got exponentially worse.

I'm sorry, but if your team goes 0-17 on the season AND you nearly tied the NFL game record for neither team scoring a single point (last occurred in 1943), then you are definitely setting the pole position for WORST NFL TEAM EVER.

Exclusive Access to Lovie's Post Game Locker Room Speech

Okay, so maybe the Bears weren't competing against Nerds, but nonetheless, they got their asses whipped.  This was a dismantling.  This was the undercurrent of doubt that every Bears fan felt last season, fully manifested.   

Finally, FINALLY Lovie Smith appears ready to start Brian Griese over Stan Gable, er Rex Grossman.  But the quarterback position is only part of the problem.  The savvy, veteran offensive line now looks old and plodding.  A year later, Ron Turner's playcalling looks repetitive and uninspired.  The defense is beat up and exhausted. 

Most worrisome is that the in-game or half-time adjustments don't seem to be happening.  Both losses to the Cowboys and Chargers started innocently enough.  Early on the games were close, even in the Bears favor.  Then the offense sputtered, the defense would tire, and a series of Grossman miscues would send the team into a tailspin.  To some extent the Super Bowl played out the same way.

Is it too early to wonder how the Bears can sign Michael Turner and draft Brian Brohm?

About Those Chicago Bears

If you're wondering why the Bears have received so little commentary on the blog of late, it is because this fan is going to give them another week to redeem themselves before casting judgment.

It wasn't the loss at San Diego as much as how they lost in San Diego that is sitting like a tainted burrito in my stomach.  Just about every doubt I have about this team was reinforced within a three hour timespan last Sunday.  And if I hear Lovie Smith say one more time... okay, not yet.

Random Moments of MNF Broadcasting

Unintentional broadcast humor is a beautiful thing, especially on nights when the jokes seem to just float out of your television and fall right into your lap.  Good times.

"You know who the biggest Johnson is?"

- Ron Jaworski pondering all the players named "Johnson" on the Bengals. 

This question send Tony Kornheiser into hysterics, followed by total silence from the broadcast booth.  MNF definitely need more penis humor.  I hope some fans hold up a few "Big Johnson" signs for Tony and Ron for their next game.

And according to Mike Greenberg, the San Francisco 49ers is a team that is known for coming from behind.  Hmmm.

Opening Thoughts on the NFL Season

"I learned I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas, and then get high to reward myself."  - Towelie, South Park

On that note...

1.  For a team to be successful, does the coach's personality need to match the collective personality of its players?

Take the Colts and Tony Dungy.  Dungy is a calm, mild-mannered man who won the Super Bowl in Indy with a team composed of quiet, hard working players.  He's even got some book out named "Quiet Rage" or something.  Its star players like Manning and Harrison don't talk trash or show a whole lot of emotion; they just perform. 

Now consider the cast of characters that Dungy had when he was coaching in Tampa Bay.  Even with outspoken stud players on defense such as Warren Sapp, Booger McFarland, and Simeon Rice, his team always fell short of the Super Bowl.  Is it any coincidence that a screaming, ra-ra guy named John Gruden shows up and the Bucs win a Super Bowl?

2.  Known for being overly "hands-on" as an NFL team owner, it was nice to see Cowboys owner Jerry Jones poke fun at himself in a Pepsi commercial.  What makes this ad so comical is that there's no doubt in my mind Jerry would take over as the team's offensive coordinator if he felt the job wasn't being done properly.  Sadly, I cannot find this ad online.

3.  How come I have yet to make a documentary movie about tailgating?  It would creatively be called "The Tailgate" and its film crew would travel in an RV to 17 different NFL stadiums in 17 weeks, profiling the fans, the food, and the camraderie of the tailgating.  I suppose I would basically be living John Madden's life, aside from sitting next to Al Michaels.  And apparently this guy is the self-annointed Commissioner of Tailgating.

4.  WTF was up with that McDonald's commercial during the Colts-Saints game?  I thoroughly enjoyed the dad breakin' down into a groove with his son.  Here's the short version:

5.  Until the Saints figure out how the beat the Cover-2 defense that Dungy and Lovie Smith employ defensively, they're never coming out of the NFC this year.  Just like the Bears did in the playoffs last year, Indy was able to lock down the Saints offense.  Even Madden was calling them out on TV for their poor play calling  selection.  Will the Saints actually miss Joe Horn this year?

6.  Are the Colts the team with the highest percentage of homegrown players on its roster?  Only four players on Indy have ever played for another NFL team.  Where can I see the homegrown percentage ranking of all 32 teams? 

Wouldn't such a ranking be a great evaluator for General Manager draft performance or the GM's ability to assemble a winning team?  To answer my own question, I'm not sure the model would hold up against the GM activities of the L.A. Clippers or Tampa Bay Devil Rays, but I'm still interested in seeing the list.

7.  Can we get a television sitcom series based upon the guys in the commercial for NFL.com fantasy football?  Imagine a band of buddies, all sports junkies, who live in the same city together.  They were all high-powered corporate execs who went into early retirement and banded together to live a life of tailgating, boozing, and sports gambling.  If the Geico Cavemen can get a series, why can't this happen?

I Think This Pretty Much Sums It Up

NFL Sunday Ticket.  Fantasy Football.  Online Sports Betting.  It's about time...