The Game High

Discriminating NFL Players Prefer the Vaporizer

If you're an NFL player and reputed connoisseur of cannibis, then when it comes maximizing your herbal enjoyment, you should settle for nothing less that the Volcano Vaporizer.  For a mere $539 (plus shipping), you can experience the BMW of bongs.  As an added health and security bonus, vaporizing your tasty nuggets will remove harmful substances and will eliminate the strong odor of ganja that is billowing out the windows of your stretch limousine at this very moment.

In light of Michael Vick's recent run-in with airport security and Pacman Jones' apparent smokin' affection, there is clearly an upscale market of consumers for this fine product.

Who knows, maybe someday we'll see a billboard advertising the "Vick's Vaporizer" (not be confused with Vicks VapoRub)...

Please tell me what "The Run" Is

With all the statistical graphics, sports tickers, and hovering mini-scoreboards that comprise the standard telecast of an NBA game, is it too much to ask for one small addition?  Adjacent to the score box, or directly beneath it, can someone keep track of The Run?

In most cases, the ebb and flow of a basketball game cannot be conveyed by score alone.  For instance, you turn on TNT and see Phoenix up on San Antonio 72-71.  Have the teams just been trading baskets all game, or were the Suns trailing 60-67 just a couple minutes ago before rallying for the lead?  In this case, The Run would show 12-4.  These are the stats I'd like to know.  Especially if it's after 11:30 PM, I'm drunk, and I'm deciding which TV show, ESPN News or the late-nite TNT game, will accompany my burrito consumption.       

By definition, The Run could simply be the last 16 points scored.   But in extenuating circumstances, this could increase.   For example, if the Bulls are in the midst of blowing yet ANOTHER double-digit lead, and the opposing team has scored 22 unanswered, then The Run could exceed the 16 point ceiling and show 22-0.

Until recently, basketball (and football) kept minimal statistics on players and teams.   Today there are enough stats on sports to drown a fish.  Baseball has entirely too many statistics, and it's only getting worse. 

Nowadays, NFL teams have entire IT staffs dedicated to running software that analyzes opponents play calling tendencies.  So a defensive coach can crunch all the numbers and conclude that the Dallas Cowboys will throw the short out pattern on 80% of all 1st and goal situations.  I think Dallas had at least 3 goal line interceptions this year, all of which were taken back to the house for touchdowns by opposing defenses.

In the NBA, Mark Cuban started tracking referee crews to illustrate inconsistencies in foul calling.  Players now have plus/minus point differentials so we can supposedly determine the best combination of players to put on the court to produce a winning outcome.

All these stats provide wonderful insights into the game, but how many of them are actually useful during the game?  We leave it up to the TV announcers and game statisticians to give us the real-time numbers, and often times, it's just not enough. 

Come on, magical black box glowing in my living room, just show me The Run.

NBA Rookie Orientation

The lifestyle challenges of the professional athlete have always fascinated me.  A rookie in the NBA faces a myriad of problems concerning money, women, travel, family, friendships, substance abuse, and how to best spend all that free time in the off-season. 

In response to these issues, the NBA (and other professional sports as well) conduct orientation classes for its rookies to teach them the finer points of being a paid athlete.  The classes usually involve former and current players sharing their insights and imparting their veteran wisdom onto the rookies.  You can learn a lot about a league and player lifestyles by listening to how athletes communicate directly to one another.  Unfortunately, we the public rarely, if ever, get to hear what actually gets said in these orientation meetings.

Every NBA fan who enjoys playing basketball has at some point thought to themselves, "if given the opportunity, what kind of player would I be?"  How would I handle my post-game locker room interviews?  How much would I tear it up in the clubs?  How long would I sign autographs for fans?  What kind of mansion would I build? 

And every time an NBA player gets arrested, storms the stands, or fires his gun outside a strip club, those same NBA fans think to themselves, "You unappreciative turd!  I can only dream of being in your shoes."

[Unfortunately for me, the reality of a non-NBA career set in sometime during high school.  Tragically blessed with great hang time and yet no vertical leap, my nickname should have been "The Hovercraft".]

Which brings us back to the rookie orientation.  Just how effective are these programs at steering its players out of trouble?  Only the NBA would know.   

Menaces to Chicago

There are certain NBA players who always seem to step up their game against the Bulls.  For instance, I always find it supremely annoying when Dan Gadzuric is tearing up the Bulls interior defense, looking like a world beater, when 76 games out of the season this goon is collecting DNP-CDs.

Whether it's a match-up problem or personal vendetta for not being drafted by this organization, certain players just have seem to have the Bulls' number.   Of course, every team faces these kind of player nuisances.  The most legendary may very well be Michael Jordan's performances against the Cleveland Cavaliers in the late 80's.  MJ singlehandedly tormented and devastated that franchise for almost a decade.  Just ask Craig Ehlo.

So who are these Bulls "killers"?  Well, statistically, they would be the players who experience a dramatic increase in points, rebounds, steals, etc. over their season averages when playing the Bulls.  But the stats department here is woefully understaffed, so the answers here will not be based upon such diligent research.  In fact, the credo here at The Game High is "Don't let facts cloud your emotions."

So here's a subjective breakdown of player menaces to the Bulls for the month of February:

2/22 @ Cleveland: Donyell Marshall
How many times do I have to see this 12-year vet and former Bull drain wide open 3s from the corner in the 4th quarter?

2/23 Washington:  Brendan Haywood
In between practice brawls with teammate Etan Thomas, Haywood still finds time abuse the Bulls defense with rim-hanging dunks.  If Hibachi ever passed the ball, Haywood would be even more imposing.

2/25 @ Detroit:  Rasheed Wallace
A genuinely talented player, regardless of whether he plays the Bulls, Rasheed is an on-court howler who needs to be silenced.

2/26 Orlando:  Hedo Turkoglu
Yet another 6-10 forward with an uncanny ability to stick 3-point daggers in any Bulls comeback.

2/28 Golden State:  Stephen Jackson
From his Pacer days, the Bulls could play 22 seconds of lock down defense only to have Jackson swish some garbage 20 ft. jumper from the wing.  Repeatedly.

March preview to follow.

Chicago Bulls 2nd Half Outlook

With the conclusion of the All-Star Weekend in Vegas, the second half of the Bulls season begins today.  Well, technically it's much less than half, seeing as the Bulls only have 28 games remaining. 

Overall, the remaining games should look promising to the Bulls since they face only 5 Western Conference teams down the stretch, none of which are all that formidable (Golden State, Memphis, Clippers, Portland, and Denver).  Meanwhile, the Bulls can fatten up their win column with games against Atlanta (twice), Boston (twice), Milwaukee, and Philly.

The Eastern conference is so awful in comparison to the quality of Western conference teams, it's a joke.  It's going to be such a slug fest for any Western conference team to reach the NBA Finals, that it might actually give the Eastern conference representative team a chance at winning the title.  Although, at this point the only Eastern team on pace to win more than 50 games is the Detroit Pistons.

At the end of last season, it became obvious that the Bulls needed to add athleticism to their front court and height to their back court.  Drafting Tyrus Thomas and Thabo Sefolosha was supposed to address these needs.  But here was are, almost a year later and little has changed.  Thomas (until recently) and Sefolosha haven't seen much playing time this season, but if the Bulls are going to improve from within, these guys need to get more minutes.

With the Bulls being in the Eastern conference, I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to force feed these guys some increased playing time.  Even if the Bulls struggle because of it, and fall back a few spots in the playoff seeding, they'll be better off in the long run.  Besides, the team that emerges from the primordial soup of the Eastern conference could come from anywhere, even the 8th seed (currently Miami)...

Wrigley Field: We Must Protect This House!

The gradual influx of advertising into the baseball shrine that is Wrigley Field has now infected its hallowed outfield walls.  The company logo for Under Armour sports apparel will now adorn the green doors of the outfield wall.

The Tribsters are walking a fine line between maximizing marketing revenues and keeping the charm of Wrigley field intact.  For decades, the Cubs were the lovable losers of Chicago due to the purity of the friendly confines.  But once you start messing with the fan friendliness of Wrigley, you're going to become a lot less lovable if you lose.

Personally, I'd let the black guy in the Under Armour ads stand on the pitcher's mound before the first pitch of every home game and do his "WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!!" routine if it meant the Cubs went to the World Series. 

I know those Under Armour television ads are supposed to get you fired up, but they just come off as laughable nonsense to me.  So trying to jack up the crowd with the Under Armour slogan would simply be outrageous.  But at least that would parallel the laughable and absurd events that have transpired throughout Cubs history.  This laundry list now includes Kerry Wood's hot tub spill and his subsequent rib injury.  Speaking of ridiculous injuries, who can forget when Sammy Sosa gave himself a herniated disk injury after he sneezed?

We're coming up on the century mark of futility for the Cubs.  Can we just focus on that right now?  Put a consistently winning team on the field at Wrigley, while maintaining the ball park's purity, and the financial spoils of success will vastly exceed any profits from ads in the green ivy.

Pete Myers - Players Coach or Deadly Assassin?

One night, while watching the Bulls drift mindlessly though another game before heading into the All-Star break, I caught a camera shot of Pete Myers and wondered, who is this man and what is he still doing on the Bulls sideline?

Based upon his longevity with the coaching staff, Myers must be a great asset to the team.  He seems to be an affable fellow and he's always sharply dressed.  But there's not much else I know about him.  To be fair, how much does anyone really know about the assistant coaches in the NBA?  But Myers has kept his place on the Bulls bench through 3 coaching staff changes.  How many assistants have that kind of track record?

During his playing career, I remember Myers joining the Bulls in 1994 with the thankless job playing SG after Jordan's first retirement.  He was originally at 6th round draft pick by the Bulls in 1986 and if there's one thing I know about old GM Jerry Krause, it's that he never forgets his draft "finds".  So the Sleuth brought Myers back to the team.  While Myers wasn't much of a scorer, he could defend and understood the subtleties of the game.

In 2001, Myers joined the Bulls coaching staff.  Subsequently, he's been through the dog years of Bulls teams coached by Tim Floyd and Bill Cartwright.  He was even head coach briefly before GM John Paxson hired Scott Skiles to coach, and now serves as an assistant on Skiles' staff.  I think it's impressive that he's survived so long, despite all the turnover on the coaching staff.

So is Pete Myers a players' coach?  You know, the former NBA guy turned coach that can relate to the younger NBA players?  Does he impart his savvy, veteran wisdom onto the players? 

He just seems to keep a low-profile and and simply gets the job done (whatever it is).  Kind of like a hit man for an organized crime syndicate.  He's the guy who carries out the hits and disposes of the evidence.  Ask any mob boss (just contact your local District Attorney), and I'm sure he will tell you how important this work is and how you need a guy who is loyal and dependable.   And when I think of loyal and dependable, I think of Pete Myers.

That said, can he be considered a protector of Bulls players?   Does he cover up their mistakes and keep their off-court reputations clean?  In other words, does he "take out the trash"?  How many dead strippers will Pete Myers have to bury in the desert outside of Las Vegas during the NBA All-Star weekend?  Oh wait, the Bulls have no all-stars, so this is a non-issue!

Keep up the good work, Pete, I just wish I knew more about it.

One man's 12,000 ft. freefall... and survival... on video

Simply an unbelievable story about a how a man survived a fall from 2.2 miles above Lake Taupo in New Zealand, suffering only a punctured lung and a broken ankle.  The entire event was recorded in chilling detail from the skydiver's tiny helmet cam.

Just 550ft above the ground, he waves goodbye to the world and screams a last message into the camera's microphone, resigned to a horrific death. Moments later comes the sound of the sickening impact - and then blackness.

Here is the video.  This flat out left me speechless.

Everyone imagines how they would react in the face of death.  Or had nightmares about free falling.  But this guy's cool resolve under duress and the clarity with which he recalls his experience is absolutely riveting.

Ron Rivera to San Diego Chargers?

The firing of Marty Schottenheimer finally happened yesterday.  While everyone knew this day was coming for over a year, the timing of it is somewhat odd.  Given Marty's dysfunctional relationship with Chargers team ownership and upper management, his self-inflicted "marty-ball" game calling, and history of big game loses, this was only a matter of time.

After a disappointing 2005 season (while having one of the most talented teams of all-teim that failed to make the playoffs), the fuse was set in the off-season when the Chargers let Drew Brees leave as a free-agent.  Schottenheimer would now be coaching for his job with an unproven Philip Rivers at QB.  It looked like a no-win situation for Marty.

However, in typical Marty fashion, he turned a no-win situation into winning situation into a season-ending disaster all at once.  The team went 14-2, Rivers made the Pro Bowl, and LT might have had the greatest season ever for a running back.  But another sub-par coaching effort in the playoffs ruined their historic season.

Which brings us to Ron Rivera.  By waiting until mid-February to fire their coach, the pool of top coaching talent has just about dried up for the Chargers.  There are still some names out there, such as Jim Mora Jr., Norv Turner, and of course, Rivera.  It's already been documented how much I think the Bears need Rivera, so hopefully he gets the opportunity to move to southern California.  Furthermore, the Bears 4-3 defense is more the brainchild of Lovie Smith's than it is Rivera's.

With Rivera in San Diego, my hope then would be for the Bears to meet the Chargers in the SuperBowl, with the Bears defense coached by Mike Singletary.  It would be a wonderful showdown of the Vince Tobin defensive system (Rivera's coaching inclinations) versus the Buddy Ryan school of defense (Singletary's mindset). 

When Buddy Ryan left the Bears to coach the Eagles, Vince Tobin took over the defense.  In many ways, the Bears defense was statistically better under Tobin than with Ryan.  However, Ryan's defense had the Super Bowl ring and the intimidation factor.  Bears vs. Chargers.  Rivera vs. Singletary.  Urlacher vs. Merriman.  We could finally settle the argument once and for all.

Save Boston

There's nothing like kicking a sports town when it's down.  With the Patriots legacy winding down, the Red Sox magic gone, and the Celtics diligently working on an 18-game losing streak, who is left to defend the city against the Lite Brites of Aqua Teen Hunger Force?  Only you, internet surfer, can save Boston. 

In this Whack-a-Mole type game, you must click on the evil Mooninite devices to save the city.   The signs yell out funny Boston-speak, such as "Fenway Paaaahk", "Wicked Pissa", and "Bill Bellachick" all to the appropriate soundtrack of "More than a Feeling".

It would be easy to make a similar game for Chicago, but hearing Bostonians mocked is reason enough to play this game.  Good times.