The Game High

Roger Goodell Orders Chicago Bears to Sign Terrell Owens

"A Moose once told me that receivers come to Chicago to die.  Now that T.O. is out in the wild, freed from his Cowboy cage, he must be killed."

- Roger Goodell, NFL Dictator

 

NFL Week 11 Lead Pipe Lock Pick

Giants (-7) over the Ravens

The Ravens sport a decent win-loss record, but they haven't beaten a team with a winning record other than Miami.  The Giants are winning in the NFC East, bring a power running game, complimented with a legitimate passing offense (we've come a long way Eli). 

The Ravens defense will need to honor both the run and pass, which will diminish the effectiveness of Ray Lewis.   However, Ray Ray will continue to hurl himself onto tackles long after the play has ended and do his ridiculous dance.

Joe Flacco, on the road, against a Super Bowl caliber defense?  Taking the cover on this one.  Also, taking this video showing my virtual girlfriend just who is in charge...

Overall Record: 6-4

Derrick Rose's Back In Pain, Needs Teammates to Get Off It

Derrick Rose has a sore back, which is what happens when you have to carry the entire team on your back EVERY DAMN NIGHT.

"Every damn night! On the TELEPHONE!"

Separated at Birth?

Mr. Pringles, meet Mr. D'Antoni

 

NFL Week 10 Lead Pipe Lock Pick

Titans (-3) over the Bears

How appropriate is this post title, considering some asshole broke into our condo building this week and stole a bunch of shit from the neighbors.  My condominium was spared, thanks to a security system of not owning anything expensive.  That, and the ADP logo I cut out of a magazine and taped to my door.

Of course, making these consistently shitty picks is pretty much a guarantee of me not affording anything more that a bag of peanut butter stuffed pretzels.  But goddamn are those things tasty. 

With Sexy Rexy back flinging darts behind center, look for the Titan's front four to apply constant pressure against the middle of the offensive line.  Rex is too short and slow to avoid such a ferocious pass rush, so expect more batted balls at the line of scrimmage, 25-yard floaters into double coverage, and just for good measure, a fumbled snap (he's due!).

If the Bears can't stop the Titans ground game, it could be long afteroon on the lakefront Sunday.  Watching the Bears defense attempt flailing tackles on LenDale White and Chris Johnson might put me into a rage, but if I see one more of these fucking "Save By Zero" Toyota commercials, I'm going to kill someone.   

Finally, if these NFL picks don't challenge you enough, a bookmaker has slashed it's odds on the existence of God to 4-to-1.

Overall Record: 5-4

NFL Week 9 Lead Pipe Lock Pick

Titans (-4) over the Packers

Since this pick for last two weeks has gone horribly wrong, you're best served placing bets against whatever rambling thoughts fill this post.

The Titans have won 5 consecutive games ATS, so consider this pick a kiss of death.  No time for further analysis, since it's offensive-costume-party-time.

Happy Halloween!

Who is pouring beers into this man's mouth tonight?

Overall Record: 5-3

Sam Smith Back for the Bulls(.com)

Former Tribune writer and bane of bloggers, Sam Smith, has resurfaced as a writer for Bulls.com.  He basically offers up the same concocted trade scenarios, goes through his mailbag, and continously bitches about Tyrus Thomas. 

I'd just as soon purchase a wrist cutting knife than read through another Smith column about how the Bulls should have drafted so-and-so...

However, someone over at Bulls.com must agree that plenty of Smith's stuff is an unedited, steaming pile.  Every article by old man Sammy gets to bear this message at the end:

"The contents of this page have not been reviewed or endorsed by the Chicago Bulls. All opinions expressed by Sam Smith are solely his own and do not reflect the opinions of the Chicago Bulls or their Basketball Operations staff, parent company, partners, or sponsors."

 

Story Lines to Watch this Bulls Season

Beyond watching the progression of Derrick Rose, several other story lines for the Bulls should emerge this season: 

How about an All Star player this year?

It's been NINE years since a Chicago Bull played in an NBA All-Star game.  That player was Michael Jordan.  That stat alone should tell you how the team's been doing for the last decade.

Will Paxson finally make the "package of youth" for a proven All-Star trade?

The Bulls need to clear up the logjam in the backcourt and find a legitimate All-Star.  If one doesn't emerge from within the roster, then it's time to go find one.  The annual assemblage of youth through the draft cannot continue. 

Will a consistent starting lineup emerge? 

Due to Larry Hughes' injury and the lack of a true center, the lineups may be juggled nightly depending upon the matchups.  Aaron Gray fills up the middle, but he fits VDN's offensive philosophy as well as Shaq works in Phoenix.  Tyrus Thomas could average a double-double if he starts at power forward.  But this would require moving Drew Gooden to the center position, where his size and propensity for 18-foot jumpers is less than ideal.

Can Vinnie Del Negro coach? 

He's surrounded by experienced assistants, but is he going to be the one with the clipboard, diagramming X's and O's during the timeouts?  During the preseason games, VDN could often be seen conferring with Del Harris on the sidelines.  Harris is a good guy, but he couldn't win with teams absolutely loaded in talent in the Lakers and Mavs.  So VDN better bring some creativity.

Will Luol Deng be exposed as overrated and overpaid? 

When you sign a 6-year contract with over $70 million in guaranteed salary, that makes you the franchise CORNERSTONE.  As it stands today, Deng would be the 4th option in crunch time after Rose, Gordon, and Gooden.  Deng brings hustle and an all-round game, but he's going to have to step it up several notches this season. 

Will Nocioni find himself? 

Insane passion and maddening inconsistency have followed Noce since he joined the Bulls.  With better shot selection and foul control, he could easily become the a hustling fan favorite and off-the-bench energizer this team needs. 

Who is going to be the enforcer for Derrick Rose? 

Charles Oakely always had MJ's back.  Nocioni has the inside track, as his retaliation foul on Milwaukee's Richard Jefferson in the last preseason game had both teams ready to rumble.

How tolerable will Neil Funk and Stacey King be calling Bulls games on Comcast?

Why split up the legitimate chemistry of Funk and Bill Wennington broadcasting on the radio?  Sure, Johnny "Red" Kerr may have wanted/needed a dimished role and Tom Dore was unbearable to hear, but Stacey King isn't that much of an improvement.  King is a comedic legend in his own mind, and hearing him crack "jokes" and bust on "old" Red and Neil is mindblowingly pathetic.

What other forms of stadium entertainment do the t-shirt launching genuises in Bulls marketing department have in store for us this season?

May I suggest something involving Korean acrobats and a teeter totter?

Samurai Mike Is Back With a Vengeance

Mike Singletary goes off in his inaugural post-game press conference. 

What makes this so classic is that it doesn't appear premeditated at all.  He just got up on the podium and let the emotions flow.  Quite refreshing in a day of bland coaches giving canned responses (Belichick).   Nothing beats Old School football Passion.

Wassup Boys Reunited

The only thing missing from the Wassup boys is a clip of the Cubs getting swept.  Otherwise, it delivers some serious laughs.